I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
