His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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