I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
