you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
