Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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