I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
