it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
