i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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