someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
