Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
