He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
