You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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