please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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