OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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