if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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