you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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