Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
