Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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