my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sext me about skeletons
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
