All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
