I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
