I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
