It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
