Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
