Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
