My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
