No stitches, just platelets and will power
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
