I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
