a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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