Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
