he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
