It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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