beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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