Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Non-Jews are for practice
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
