It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
