oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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