Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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