I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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