I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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