Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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