look no pants
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
