is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
