sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
