one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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