He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
