"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
