I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
