dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
