Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
