Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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