Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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