We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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