Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
