Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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