I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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