Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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