Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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