singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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