he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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