i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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