you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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