I wish I could punch you in the face.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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