Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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