get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
