just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize