Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
