No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
