your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
