Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
